To achieve true civility in a society rife with gaslighting and other assaults on human dignity, we need to consider how to move beyond even justified anger and incivility and toward an elusive ideal: aspirational love. Aspirational love will not be attained overnight, nor will we achieve it in a neat, linear fashion. Even those committed to it will have starts and stops. Self-care is a first step, obtained by ending toxic relationships. Discernment — knowing with whom to associate and how to pick one’s battles — also helps. Self-care and discernment move us away from anger and incivility and toward love.