Wendy Doyle at The Kansas Reflector:
In my experience, I have learned how to be more effective through a very powerful, yet sometimes forgotten, conversational tool: Listening.
Listening isn’t passive, it is active. By intently listening, you open, not close, your mindset.
Making an effort to intently listen to others opens the door to learning, gaining insights and creativity. All of those lead to problem-solving. When seeking policy change over the years, there have been many times where I have felt dismissed or not listened to, and I have become more aware of when I need to activate my listening skills to truly understand a person’s perspective. Women across Kansas and Missouri have shared this same sentiment with us during town hall meetings in all parts of these states. Listening skills are critical when there are strong disagreements, so there is a path cleared toward understanding.
Over time, I’ve used listening tools to build relationships with those who have different perspectives. It is only then that conversations will lead to solutions and policy change. Listening takes effort and patience. Remember your goal is to seek to understand and achieve long-term success. Here are the tools I use:
- Be present, ask open-ended questions and show genuine curiosity. While others are talking, don’t focus on what you’re going to say next because you can miss a key insight.
- Resist the urge to interrupt. It makes it more likely you will gain additional insight and a greater understanding of others’ perspectives if you stay focused on what is being said.
- Commit to removing emotion from the conversation. Instead, frame your perspective with research and personal stories that create context for your insights.
- Observe the other side’s mood and willingness to compromise as well as what will make them walk away.
- Be curious rather than appraising. Use this as an opportunity to ask questions and truly listen to one another in an openhearted way.